Is your child an introvert or an extrovert? Many people believe that these terms relate to how socially comfortable someone is. Instead, they are actually the two poles on a scale of how we recharge our brains. Kids, like adults, need to learn to take care of themselves and it is up to parents and caregivers to teach children about how to care for their personality battery.
First, you will need to help determine your child’s tendencies. Keep in mind that children’s personalities are flexible, and what recharges them now may not later, so you don’t need a label. Observe how they behave after playing alone or with others, in environments with both high and low stimulation. Teach them about how these situations affect their mood. Ask questions that increase their self-awareness, and provide activities that meet their needs.
At one end of the scale, we have introverts- people who feel refreshed and recharged by spending time alone. Introverts can feel exhausted in certain social situations, regardless of their comfort level. For children who are introverts, there are things you can do to help care for them. Don’t encourage the idea that they might “miss out”. Respect their need to be alone. Allow them to observe in social situations and highly stimulating environments. Don’t reinforce the need for a large friend group- instead encourage them to find a few friends who they are very comfortable with. Provide breaks and the ability to remove themselves from high stimulation situations. Help them find activities and hobbies that nurture their need for solitude.
At the other end, we have extroverts- people who feel refreshed and recharged by spending time in social situations. Extroverts can feel like the energy has been sucked out of them when they’ve spent too much time alone. For children who are extroverts, the things you can do to help care for them are very different. Respect their desire to share and be boisterous. Encourage their enthusiasm. Allow them to explore and jump in to new situations. Understand that they may find solitary, low stimulation activities “boring”. Provide opportunities to be busy and stimulated. Help them find hobbies and activities that are social and highly stimulating.
Many people are not all one or the other. In the middle we have ambiverts- people who need a balance of alone time and social time to charge their batteries. If you imagine it as a 1-10 scale, introverts would be a 1, ambiverts a 5, and extroverts a 10. Anyone can fall anywhere on the scale. Some children may need a mix of both stimulating/social activities and solitary/low stimulation activities to meet their needs.
Whatever their personality type, acknowledging, accepting, and helping your child explore what makes them feel their best can provide limitless benefits for their happiness.
By Lindsay Brunswick, LPC