Like millions of Netflix subscribers, I have been glued to my screen watching Marie Kondo tidy up the lives of her devoted fans over the last few weeks. Not only did the debut of her show coincide with the start of a new year (it’s almost like Netflix planned it that way) and all of the resolutions that come with that, but it also happened to enter my life at a time where I was looking for renewed motivation towards personal growth.
How you ask does a house organizing show motivate personal growth? My answer, get to know Marie and you will probably understand. Her tips and strategies teach great basic behaviors, but her tag line “does it spark joy” elevates her teachings to a new level – whether she realizes it or not (personally I’m not sure, I tend to think she just really likes to organize messes).
Now I have not read her book, and honestly don’t know much about her as a person, other than what I have learned from the show and perusing her website. But my “reader’s digest version” is this, her students are asked to essentially look at each and every single item in their lives and ask themselves “does this spark joy”? If yes, then you keep it, if no then you thank the item and say good-bye.
Not long into the first episode it becomes evident that the premise has more to do with relationships than tiny folded t-shirts. But DAMN, can that lady fold a shirt! I mean seriously, how have I lived almost 40 years without knowing how to do this correctly! I’ve digressed. Clearly the emotion, the relationships, the meaning put into the tiny t-shirts and household items, is more than the clutter they have produced.
So, what does KonMari (that’s what she calls her techniques) have to do with mental health and personal growth? Well personally it has motivated me to ask myself “does this spark joy” in all aspects of my life, not just in my closet or kitchen pantry. However, I’m working on those too.
When thinking about something that is causing worry or anxiety, use finances for example, asking yourself when thinking about an expense “does this spark joy” can help determine whether or not the purchase is worth it. Will it “spark joy” or will it add to an increasing debt that only brings anxiety and tension into your marriage? Seems to me like a good way to start weeding out unnecessary expenses, as well as t-shirts, in life.
What about something a little more difficult, like the transition into life with a new baby. There are tons of mental-health minefields during this time, and asking yourself if it “sparks joy”’ may help you navigate. Does having perfectly organized bottles and drawers full of meticulously folded onsies “spark joy”, or does spending time snuggling with your new baby, or taking a few extra minutes for yourself over a cup of coffee “spark joy”? Everyone has a different answer at a different time, but you are the only one who knows what sparks joy for you.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that perfectly folded onsies aren’t a good joy sparker. I love a well-organized space, however that just might not be the BEST joy-sparker at this time. It’s up to you to ask yourself the big question and go from there.
If you find yourself really struggling with whether or not something sparks joy or being able to say “thank you, bye-bye” to something, then maybe you’ve hit emotional gold. Why, what, when, where, are the questions to ask next. Why are you holding on to something if it doesn’t make you happy? What are you doing with it in your current life? When have you used it to spark joy? Where were you in life when the item was meaningful to you?
Unpacking your closet can really end up helping you unpack your head too. And if in this process you come across something that you need to work through, don’t hesitate to seek some support. Just like Marie and her pantry organizing strategies, there are lots of us out there that have emotion-organizing strategies …we just call it therapy and some of us even have really organized pantries too!
By Katherine Biggs, MSCP