Ok so we've all had "those days" as parents. You know the ones, where your child won't do anything you ask, and is very particularly doing everything in his or her power to make you run out of the house screaming. You're convinced you've given birth to the first part human-part-monster baby. Then there are those days when you honestly stop and ask yourself, "should I be worried about this?" Those days are different than the demon-possession ones, they are the ones where your parental antennas shoot up and are on high alert. So how do you know when to worry, or ask for help, and where do you start? Here are 5 clues that you may want to use a life line in the game of parenting....
1. Are you frazzled more often than not?
And we're not talking about over a short timespan, like when you first move your kid into a big boy bed because he's getting a new baby sister. Or when you've been on family vacation for two weeks and are now returning to normal life. Or during cold and flu season when your baby is constantly either recovering from or coming down with whatever virus-of-the-week is going around. All kids have ups and downs, developmentally they often take two steps forward and one back. But if you're finding that over the course of a few months both you and your child are struggling with the same behaviors/issues, and nothing seems to be working, you may want to flag that for your next visit to the pediatrician.
2. Is it not "normal", or not "normal" for YOUR KID?
Every parent asks themselves at some point, "is this normal?" For some parents it's a question that is asked on a weekly basis, and for others it's more like hour-by-hour. What you need to ask yourself, "is this normal for my kid?" If the answer is still no, then maybe it's a red flag.
3. Are other people noticing?
It's one thing for parents to worry about their children, especially in regard to growth and development, but it's another thing for a teacher to worry as well. Teachers, daycare workers, and childcare staff are around kids all day long everyday. They know what to look for and they know what falls well within the lines of typical developmental patterns. So if your babysitter, preschool teacher, daycare worker is talking to you about concerns that you have also had about your child, it may be time to pay attention.
4. Is it dangerous?
Ok so you try not to worry too much about your kid, but sometimes you just can't help it. It's normal for kids to become aggressive at times, especially times of transition and high stress. They just don't have the tools yet to deal with their feelings of anxiety and insecurity in any other way then acting out. However, sometimes it isn't just anxiety and insecuirty, it's a physical cry for help. When your kid is putting themselves in danger, like banging their head against a wall, or hurting others (punching or kicking), on a regular basis, then it's time to reach out for help.
5. Check your gut.
A parents intuition is an amazing gift. If your gut is telling you there's something going on with your munchkin, listen. It never hurts to talk to your pediatrician or a counselor. Many places, including Congruence Counseling, offer free consultations, take advantage of the resources you have within your community. Everyone needs help sometimes, and when it comes to parenting we're all roaming around in the dark without flashlight.
Please remember these are not hard fast rules, these are suggestions with a hint of general guidance. If you have questions or concerns, it never hurts to ask. And in the meantime try not to let the miniature army you created take over your world!
By Katherine Biggs, MSCP
*This article was originally written & published for the Sprout Center for Emotional Growth and Development website.