Typically, I find inspiration for blog posts through themes that reoccur in both my personal and professional life, this one is no different. I’ve been working a lot with clients lately on acceptance. The act of accepting aspects of life/relationships/etc., whether you like the way it is or not, can be one of the most difficult skills to practice. This theme has also come up a lot in my personal life as well. Recently, I had a colleague give me some really good straight forward advice…. own it, then it can’t own you. In other words, accept it and move on.
We all have skeletons in our closet, things about ourselves we wish we never did, never happened. We all have strengths, weakness, moments in life of great darkness and great light. We would love to focus all of our attention, and the attention of others, on those moments of light, on our strengths. But unfortunately, that’s not reality. Reality is beautiful and ugly all wrapped into one. We can’t have the good without the bad, the strength without the weakness, the light without the dark. We must own our shit because there’s no getting rid of it or living life without it, and if we don’t own it….it will own us!
So, what happens when we don’t own our shit? When we don't accept it? We get stuck, we get slumped. And as Dr. Seuss put it, “un-slumping yourself is not easily done.” If you don’t own it, it will own you, and you will struggle, you will be stuck. Owning your shit is the difference between struggling and healing. You need that ownership to move past the hurt, the disappointment, the embarrassment, the dark, to get to the healing, the growth, the strength, the light.
In 1943, Abraham Maslow suggested that humans have a hierarchy of needs in regard to development. In his theory, one cannot move through the hierarchy until the fundamental needs/stages are met or conquered. If you do not learn the lesson/acquire the knowledge/conquer the stage, you cannot move on to the next stage of development, thus being stuck in the stage you are in.
The goal in life, according to Maslow, is that all individuals move through the stages and work toward self-actualization, and even beyond with self-transcendence, before death. We could talk for days about Maslow and his hierarchy of needs, but in short, he’s saying own your shit or it’ll own you.
What does all this mean then for those of us who are stuck? It means we must increase our self-awareness through exploration of thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and how those come into play for us. We must not only identify what is getting us stuck, but we have to name it, put words to it and what it means to us. We have to write our own narrative, of both our past and our present, in order to get on to the future.
What I challenge you then to do is simply, own your shit. Be proud of your struggle, because it means you are a survivor. Find strength in knowing yourself and understanding the real you. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small or large they may seem. Acknowledge and own your weaknesses/scars/trauma/darkness, so that it no longer owns you and you can find the light ahead.
And as Dr. Seuss also said, “your mountain is waiting, so…get on your way!”
By Katherine Biggs, MSCP