By Elizabeth Skrovanek
We’ve all had it. That really ugly feeling that bubbles in the pit of your stomach after you’ve bombed a really hard exam, or you’ve messed up a presentation that was worth 40% of your grade. We all want to be good, or great, at our job so a misstep can leave us feeling vulnerable. In our heads, we immediately start launching harsh criticisms about ourselves, ruminating on our incompetence, or how we are not up to the standard that we should be. We live in a world where no one expects more of us than ourselves, and these negative thoughts collect in our mind and self-criticism is what results from it.
Although there is nothing wrong with wanting to be the very best self that you can be, the act of continuously putting yourself down is likely the reason why you feel that you are struggling with achieving this.
Recognize what makes you unique
God did not make each person the same; everyone is unique for a reason. Often times, we get caught up dwelling on the traits that we feel need to be fixed, rather than the ones that are already worth noticing. By allowing yourself the chance to appreciate everything that makes you, you, the perspective that you have for yourself will shine, and your patience to make yourself better will strengthen. Instead of selling yourself short, recognize that the traits that YOU are proud of, are the ones that matter. Accept compliments that are given to you and embrace them- sometimes these might even been qualities that you didn’t know you had! In a leadership class in high school we were taught about writing 1-2 reasons for why you appreciate yourself at the end of each day. At the end of the month, it’s amazing to see all of the qualities that make you a unique person.
Understand and Confront your Inner Critic
Behind every negative thought is an underlying issue that stems from it. By recognizing and discovering yours, you may be able to defeat this inner battle. Your thoughts greatly influence how you feel and behave, and this can cause negative self-talk to become downright self-destructive. Regardless of what happened, the handle that you have on your life is only as strong as the control that you have on your thoughts. It is important to be mindful of your thoughts.
One way to help be cognizant of this is to reframe negative statements- instead of thinking ‘I was late to class because I can never do anything right’, instead think ‘I was late to class because there was traffic. Next time I will leave earlier, maybe I’ll have extra time to grab a cup of coffee!’. By recognizing the enemy is self-blame, it can help us to increase our sense of self and weaken our internal enemy.
Appreciate your Successes
Yes, I will be the first to admit it, life is hard! Moments of success are meant to be highlighted. Whether it’s because you successfully got up every morning without hitting snooze on your alarm for a week, or if it’s because you finally nailed that goal weight you’ve been striving to achieve, it’s important to take time out of the day to recognize your accomplishments. In the end, you are doing the best that you can, and you should not be dwelling on the things that you cannot do, instead focus on what you can.
**Elizabeth Skrovanek is a doctoral student at the University of Pittsburgh with research interests in the psychological aspects of genetic disease and fertility. She completed her BS in Nursing at the University of Pittsburgh in 2014 and has worked primarily with postpartum women and their families. Her current area of study is centered around genetic predisposition, fertility and quality of life of women at high risk for breast and ovarian cancer. She maintains active membership in several national nursing organizations and has presented at local, national and international conferences.