*Disclaimer: I understand that by writing this, I may upset the grandparents in my life. But I am hoping that they, as well as all grandparents reading this, understand that this is an observation I find interesting, that’s it. This is not a judgement of the “right” or “wrong” way to parent, or grandparent. In the end, I do not believe there is a “right” or “wrong” way to parent, within reason, there is a way that works for you and your family, and one that does not. With that in mind, here we go….
It takes a village to raise a child, right? But what happens when you have to pay your villagers? I have noticed a new trend that has been a topic of discord lately among my friends and clients who are parents. The lifestyle, and subsequent availability, of grandparents today.
Growing up, those of us who are parents now, often had our grandparents as caregivers. We were some of the first latch key kids, our moms were more often single-parents than the generations before us, and it was more common than in years past to have both of our parents working. Therefore, families became more reliant on grandparents for everyday responsibilities in the lives of their children.
We grew up with the expectation that grandparents played this role, and perhaps came to believe we would have this same situation when we became parents. We assumed we would have a free on-call babysitter if we lived in proximity to our parents or in-laws. However, now that we have started our families and are in need of that service, we are realizing that our parents, the new grandparents, are not at all as we expected.
Grandparents today are traveling more, working later in life, and even taking on second careers in their “retirement”. It is not unusual for grandparents to have social causes, activities, and commitments that are well beyond the social lives of their predecessors. They are not the willing and available grandparents of our childhood, they are active adults with many adventures still on their to-do lists. And we, as the parents, are finding ourselves desperately searching for villagers to help raise our children.
The desperate search for quality childcare, a replacement for the grandparents of our childhood, has opened up the opportunity for those in a position to benefit tremendously from this need. In affluent areas, it is common for nannies to have masters degrees in education and similar fields. A great nanny is an integral piece of daily life for dual-income families, and they will often offer generous benefits and flexibility to the person in that position. Certainly, better benefits, pay, and scheduling options than some teaching positions in public schools.
This leaves us with grandparents living much different lives than in generations before, nannies with masters’ degrees driving carpool, and parents feeling as though they HAVE to work to pay for childcare that they NEED simply to go to work. But where does this leave our kids? Are they better off with more highly trained individuals, or with loved ones who may not be as up-to-date on the best apps as their counterparts?
You tell me. Who is in your village?
By Katherine Biggs, MSCP